Don't Worry, I Won't

 “They mostly ignore me. Except the one. He likes to joke around with me. At the end of every shift he says “don’t go getting into any trouble”…..

..... I picture the kid giving a forced smile and fake little finger wag as he delivers his line to his eccentric coworker, the one sitting in front of me, 50 years his senior. 

And I think about how overhearing this exchange as a passerby, knowing nothing about either of them, I might roll my eyes and go into an inner monologue about how that’s not a very clever farewell.

So why even say anything? I’d think.

Knowing me, i might belabor this point with whomever I was with, going on about how silly platitudes like that are such a blatant example of the absurdity of human behavior and how these banal pleasantries might be making us

 … Dumber. 

I’d swear to myself that I’d never under any circumstances tell another person to “don’t get into trouble now” because of how completely committed I am to being clever and intelligent-seeming. 

I’d add to the list that I’ll also never say “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do”. Oh and “see ya on the flip side”. 

Those. Are. Banned. 

You know what, I’d think, as a matter of fact I’m not going to even bother with goodbyes. 

From now on I’m exiting, or observing your exit, with such an unconcerned facade that you’d think I’m not even paying attention. Of course I would be paying attention, because I pay attention to most things, but you wouldn’t know. 

I would never let you know. 

Yep. Starting today, I’ll be aloof, I think to myself as I wait for her to continue her story. 

And she, holding back the faintest smile, continues on. She tells me her retort to his little “don’t go getting into trouble” routine is “don’t worry, I won’t.” 

And she erupts into a smile. The biggest one I’ve seen on her. 

The smile is because, I’d soon learn, this exchange was the first she’d had all day with her coworkers. An 8 hour shift. Unable to survive on the social security income from her 50 years as a public school teacher, earned her a spot as an hourly employee at Fry’s alongside a ragtag crew of 16-21 year olds. 

This little “don’t get into any trouble now - don’t worry I won’t” bit was, to her, a token. Proof that she is not, after all, invisible. Maybe she, too, thought it wasn’t clever enough. Maybe she has her own anthropological commentary on the pointlessness of banal pleasantries. 

But I’m not here to preach. Except there is one thing.

After all this, I want to say ... don’t go getting into any trouble!

(and I can only hope you remember your line) (its “don’t worry, I won’t”)